A Christmas Blog

I knew I would have plenty of material for a Christmas blog and I do.

I realize that I haven't written very much about the students here, but I've got some good stuff to write about them. There were two, student-thrown Christmas parties here. One party was thrown by Dave and Lucia's students and another was thrown by my students. I seem to be somewhat famous on this campus because the students of Lucia's and Dave's classes readily included me in their Christmas show; songs dances, and giving of candy. And apples. I still don't understand why, but these kids always associate Christmas with the giving of apples. Interesting. So I sat in on a Christmas Eve show that I hadn't even been told about beforehand, but the kids certainly knew about it and they had fully prepared for our arrival. Seeing as I don't even teach these particular kids, I was kind of flattered by the fact that they included me. Dave played a Tom Petty song and before I knew it, the kids were asking me to sing something. I'm pretty sure that I gave those kids the most rockin' acapella version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" they've ever heard. When I left stage, a laughing boy asked me, "Are you always crazy? Even in America?" I immediately said, "Yes."

On Christmas day, I went to the party thrown by my students. This party was specifically targeted at me and no other teacher. There were probably 50ish kids there singing songs, dancing onstage, reading poetry, and giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, givi... One girl had written me a letter all about how she wanted me to have a nice Christmas in China and that she knew I missed my family and my home. I couldn't help myself, even though I knew it would completely embarass her, I had to walk up onstage and give her a hug. Again, I sang "Ruldolph" but this time I did the silly version with the various shoutouts: "Like a lightbulb!" and "...with glee. Yipee!" But I changed, "...like Monopoly!" to ,"...like Mah-jong!" and ,"...like George Washington!" became, "...like Michael Jackson!" The kids love to hear me screw up my Chinese and apparently my mispronunciation of Mah-jong was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.

There was also a nice Christmas Eve dinner that was arranged for the school teachers. The food was amazing and I actually drank baiju. A lot of baiju. Henry seemed impressed by the amount of baiju that I drank. The fact is that I despise the stuff, but with it being Christmas and all, I just figured 'What the hell." Baiju is super strong stuff, I think this particular brew was something like 35% alcohol or more. I don't know. What I do know is that Henry, along with most of the other baiju drinkers at the table were absolutely sloshed within a short period of time. Baiju is strong stuff but I'm no lightweight with it. I'm certainly not immune to its effects but it takes more than a few small cups of it to mess me up. I left that table with my manly reputation fully intact and slight buzzing in my head.

I went straight to the Mah-jong table, where I found Lucia and Dave, along with my new buddy, Wu. Wu is also an English teacher at the school. He had gotten himself pretty well messed up on baiju and was talking to me about how people in China genuinely fear their government. My brother John has suggested that I write a book about China and sometimes that really seems like a great idea. Everything here is sooooooooooo different! Although I've always thought that if I attempted to get my writing published it would probably be some kind of fiction story, I can't deny the fact that there is interesting nonfiction for me to write about around every corner over here. There's so much that world just doesn't know about China and this small city has me completely engulfed in its culture.

Anyways, Mah-jong. I've been learning the game slowly and just when I think I understand the rules I realize that I don't know a damn thing. I thought a I had a fantastic hand when another teacher, her English name is Cherry, laughingly informed me that I had, "...no chance to win." I thought it was hilarious, so I just began randomly taking blocks and throwing blocks away without concern, each time stating the fact that I had no chance to win. I wasn't palying for money so it was no big deal to me. As a matter of fact, I found it incredibly funny. I'm sure the baiju was helping with my mood. A quick note on Mah-jong: The female English teachers play this game like pirates. They're fucking ruthless! I will never play them for money. I wouldn't stand a chance. And when the school principal, Mr. Wang, learned that we were not playing for money, he laughingly got up and walked away from the table. Shortly after the game, I learned that Ms. Fu had driven Henry home because he was too drunk to walk. I laughed like crazy! I should mention that, lately, I have been on good terms with Henry. I have mentally accepted the fact that he is a problem-causing moron but not a bad person. I think I can maintain a way of laughing at him without actually offending him.

On Christmas Day Eve or the Eve of Christmas Day, whatever, I met a few friends a went to do some Christmas partying. I'll introduce the perpetrators: First there's Tan Yen, blog followers know all about her. There's my new friend, Joy She's a local college student. There's my coworker/new friend Wu, who I previously mentioned. And last, there is Tan Yen's friend, Liao Long Liu. I've met her a few times and have so far managed not to refer to her as, Dragon Lady. I haven't dared to, despite the fact that it wouldn't really be an insult to her. After all, Dragon Lady, is essentially what Liao Long Liu means.

We went to a bar called Pink. I will never let Tan Yen choose  the bar we go to ever again.

This was only my second time in a Kaili bar. My first time was a couple of months ago when I walked alone into a joint called the 99 only to find it filled to the brim with middle-aged dudes, not a female in sight, who looked like that they had all just swiped their time cards at the construction site HQ.  I didn't stay long.

Pink was another story altogether. Perhaps another entity entirely. Chinese pop music was blasting its bass line loud enough to trigger a seismograph and this place was full. I mean FULL! There are plenty of things that I dislike about China, plenty of things that I do like, a few things that I downright hate, and some stuff that I just plain love. China always seems to have crowds and my reaction to the crowds around here lies squarely between dislike & hate. But, it was Christmas. Christmas is party time. We went in, me guarding my wallet the whole time,  and sat down. I'm fully aware that, as a foreigner here, I'm often targeted as a bank and pick pockets would love to mark the foreign sucker. So far so good.

I was happily surprised to learn that Pink had Budweiser. Wu had ordered a bunch of it for us and I think he did it because he thought I'd like it. I did. I would've preferred Guinness or Shipyard, but I guess those just weren't options. It was fun, despite the crowd. I had made a very conscious decision to be happy at Christmas. Homesickness is a very real threat, but I was operating on the belief that I could be happy if I wanted to. I was right about that. We talked, drank, and I laughed about the Chinese pop music that I neither liked nor understood. As a kid who was raised on rock, I pretty much consider pop music evil, no matter where I am, but in this city I've got a feeling that I'll never find a place playing Metallica or Bon Jovi. The pop music played for about half an hour and then it started to get weird.

There has only been one other time in which I've been to a bar with a drag queen and that was in Provincetown Massachussets and let's face it, that's the kind of place a person can expect to see a drag queen. I'd been mentally prepared for that one. But two days ago, there I was just out for a few beers with my buddies and this elegantly dressed drag queen walks out on stage and starts singing these high pitched and highly annoying songs that, in some skewed way, were probably mean to be romantic. I simply don't like drag queens and I said as much to Wu who felt the need to say, "Don't worry, Robert. This is not a gay place." He's funny. A short time later, I told him that that was the first time I had ever been to a bar where the only people who were dancing on the tables were men. Again, Wu said, "It's ok. This is not a gay place."

What kind of place was it? Judging by the music selection, I have no idea. First they were playing nothing but Chinese pop, then the drag queen sang annoying high pitched love songs for a while, then a rapper came onstage. I don't generally consider myself a fan of rap. Most often I just find rap uninteresting, but once in a while I'll hear some I like. Although I had no idea what this guy was singing, he was good. I really liked the rapper. Then the Chinese pop returned and spent the rest of the night making people dance to it. Its spell was only broken one last time. I was drinking, listening, drinking, listening, and before I knew it the abundant laser lights shooting all over the room turned green and I heard...I couldn't believe it...electric guitar. And I liked it! Then the drums came. Rockin! And sudennly, the ground shook, lightning thundered from the sky, and German heavy metal began pouring out of the speakers. People continued dancing as if nothing had changed. The world of Pink had just gone from Chinese mass produced pop crap to German metal that spits in the face of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and other the other musicians that the kids here love so much. It was hilarious.

Ultimately, Christmas was a great time! I had a lot of fun. It was very weird but I will certainly never forget it. My Chinese friends are wonderful people and they did their best to make my Christmas special. I'll write agian soon. There's still so much to say.