I knew I would have plenty of material for a Christmas blog and I do.
I realize that I haven't written very much about the students here, but I've got some good stuff to write about them. There were two, student-thrown Christmas parties here. One party was thrown by Dave and Lucia's students and another was thrown by my students. I seem to be somewhat famous on this campus because the students of Lucia's and Dave's classes readily included me in their Christmas show; songs dances, and giving of candy. And apples. I still don't understand why, but these kids always associate Christmas with the giving of apples. Interesting. So I sat in on a Christmas Eve show that I hadn't even been told about beforehand, but the kids certainly knew about it and they had fully prepared for our arrival. Seeing as I don't even teach these particular kids, I was kind of flattered by the fact that they included me. Dave played a Tom Petty song and before I knew it, the kids were asking me to sing something. I'm pretty sure that I gave those kids the most rockin' acapella version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" they've ever heard. When I left stage, a laughing boy asked me, "Are you always crazy? Even in America?" I immediately said, "Yes."
On Christmas day, I went to the party thrown by my students. This party was specifically targeted at me and no other teacher. There were probably 50ish kids there singing songs, dancing onstage, reading poetry, and giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, giving me candy, givi... One girl had written me a letter all about how she wanted me to have a nice Christmas in China and that she knew I missed my family and my home. I couldn't help myself, even though I knew it would completely embarass her, I had to walk up onstage and give her a hug. Again, I sang "Ruldolph" but this time I did the silly version with the various shoutouts: "Like a lightbulb!" and "...with glee. Yipee!" But I changed, "...like Monopoly!" to ,"...like Mah-jong!" and ,"...like George Washington!" became, "...like Michael Jackson!" The kids love to hear me screw up my Chinese and apparently my mispronunciation of Mah-jong was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.
There was also a nice Christmas Eve dinner that was arranged for the school teachers. The food was amazing and I actually drank baiju. A lot of baiju. Henry seemed impressed by the amount of baiju that I drank. The fact is that I despise the stuff, but with it being Christmas and all, I just figured 'What the hell." Baiju is super strong stuff, I think this particular brew was something like 35% alcohol or more. I don't know. What I do know is that Henry, along with most of the other baiju drinkers at the table were absolutely sloshed within a short period of time. Baiju is strong stuff but I'm no lightweight with it. I'm certainly not immune to its effects but it takes more than a few small cups of it to mess me up. I left that table with my manly reputation fully intact and slight buzzing in my head.
I went straight to the Mah-jong table, where I found Lucia and Dave, along with my new buddy, Wu. Wu is also an English teacher at the school. He had gotten himself pretty well messed up on baiju and was talking to me about how people in China genuinely fear their government. My brother John has suggested that I write a book about China and sometimes that really seems like a great idea. Everything here is sooooooooooo different! Although I've always thought that if I attempted to get my writing published it would probably be some kind of fiction story, I can't deny the fact that there is interesting nonfiction for me to write about around every corner over here. There's so much that world just doesn't know about China and this small city has me completely engulfed in its culture.
Anyways, Mah-jong. I've been learning the game slowly and just when I think I understand the rules I realize that I don't know a damn thing. I thought a I had a fantastic hand when another teacher, her English name is Cherry, laughingly informed me that I had, "...no chance to win." I thought it was hilarious, so I just began randomly taking blocks and throwing blocks away without concern, each time stating the fact that I had no chance to win. I wasn't palying for money so it was no big deal to me. As a matter of fact, I found it incredibly funny. I'm sure the baiju was helping with my mood. A quick note on Mah-jong: The female English teachers play this game like pirates. They're fucking ruthless! I will never play them for money. I wouldn't stand a chance. And when the school principal, Mr. Wang, learned that we were not playing for money, he laughingly got up and walked away from the table. Shortly after the game, I learned that Ms. Fu had driven Henry home because he was too drunk to walk. I laughed like crazy! I should mention that, lately, I have been on good terms with Henry. I have mentally accepted the fact that he is a problem-causing moron but not a bad person. I think I can maintain a way of laughing at him without actually offending him.
On Christmas Day Eve or the Eve of Christmas Day, whatever, I met a few friends a went to do some Christmas partying. I'll introduce the perpetrators: First there's Tan Yen, blog followers know all about her. There's my new friend, Joy She's a local college student. There's my coworker/new friend Wu, who I previously mentioned. And last, there is Tan Yen's friend, Liao Long Liu. I've met her a few times and have so far managed not to refer to her as, Dragon Lady. I haven't dared to, despite the fact that it wouldn't really be an insult to her. After all, Dragon Lady, is essentially what Liao Long Liu means.
We went to a bar called Pink. I will never let Tan Yen choose the bar we go to ever again.
This was only my second time in a Kaili bar. My first time was a couple of months ago when I walked alone into a joint called the 99 only to find it filled to the brim with middle-aged dudes, not a female in sight, who looked like that they had all just swiped their time cards at the construction site HQ. I didn't stay long.
Pink was another story altogether. Perhaps another entity entirely. Chinese pop music was blasting its bass line loud enough to trigger a seismograph and this place was full. I mean FULL! There are plenty of things that I dislike about China, plenty of things that I do like, a few things that I downright hate, and some stuff that I just plain love. China always seems to have crowds and my reaction to the crowds around here lies squarely between dislike & hate. But, it was Christmas. Christmas is party time. We went in, me guarding my wallet the whole time, and sat down. I'm fully aware that, as a foreigner here, I'm often targeted as a bank and pick pockets would love to mark the foreign sucker. So far so good.
I was happily surprised to learn that Pink had Budweiser. Wu had ordered a bunch of it for us and I think he did it because he thought I'd like it. I did. I would've preferred Guinness or Shipyard, but I guess those just weren't options. It was fun, despite the crowd. I had made a very conscious decision to be happy at Christmas. Homesickness is a very real threat, but I was operating on the belief that I could be happy if I wanted to. I was right about that. We talked, drank, and I laughed about the Chinese pop music that I neither liked nor understood. As a kid who was raised on rock, I pretty much consider pop music evil, no matter where I am, but in this city I've got a feeling that I'll never find a place playing Metallica or Bon Jovi. The pop music played for about half an hour and then it started to get weird.
There has only been one other time in which I've been to a bar with a drag queen and that was in Provincetown Massachussets and let's face it, that's the kind of place a person can expect to see a drag queen. I'd been mentally prepared for that one. But two days ago, there I was just out for a few beers with my buddies and this elegantly dressed drag queen walks out on stage and starts singing these high pitched and highly annoying songs that, in some skewed way, were probably mean to be romantic. I simply don't like drag queens and I said as much to Wu who felt the need to say, "Don't worry, Robert. This is not a gay place." He's funny. A short time later, I told him that that was the first time I had ever been to a bar where the only people who were dancing on the tables were men. Again, Wu said, "It's ok. This is not a gay place."
What kind of place was it? Judging by the music selection, I have no idea. First they were playing nothing but Chinese pop, then the drag queen sang annoying high pitched love songs for a while, then a rapper came onstage. I don't generally consider myself a fan of rap. Most often I just find rap uninteresting, but once in a while I'll hear some I like. Although I had no idea what this guy was singing, he was good. I really liked the rapper. Then the Chinese pop returned and spent the rest of the night making people dance to it. Its spell was only broken one last time. I was drinking, listening, drinking, listening, and before I knew it the abundant laser lights shooting all over the room turned green and I heard...I couldn't believe it...electric guitar. And I liked it! Then the drums came. Rockin! And sudennly, the ground shook, lightning thundered from the sky, and German heavy metal began pouring out of the speakers. People continued dancing as if nothing had changed. The world of Pink had just gone from Chinese mass produced pop crap to German metal that spits in the face of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and other the other musicians that the kids here love so much. It was hilarious.
Ultimately, Christmas was a great time! I had a lot of fun. It was very weird but I will certainly never forget it. My Chinese friends are wonderful people and they did their best to make my Christmas special. I'll write agian soon. There's still so much to say.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This Blog Will Be Longer Than One of Those Chinese Dragons in a Parade
I have no idea of why I do this, but I always manage to do the same thing. I wait a ridiculously long time between blogs and when I finally get back to it, I have soooooo much material to write that I have try to juggle memories and anecdotes while keeping it all straight in my head and trying not to bore the 3 or 4 people who are actually reading. Sometimes I wonder, do I write this more for the readers or more for my own therapeutic reasons? Expect complete randomness in this blog, my mind has been all over the place recently.
My last blog was a decidedly negative one. My day at Shaogaoshan was a fairly bad experience and I think it showed through pretty clearly in my writing. I make no effort whatsoever to color any of my experiences in these blogs; if my experience was a bad one I will make it as clear as possible in my writing. And of course, if the experience was positive then you will be able to tell because of all the fluffy bunnies and ice cream drops that are scattered around the words on your monitor. I'll start this blog by addressing what is, quite possibly, the biggest issue for me over here. My own temper.
In these past 3 months, I can recall 4 times when I have lost my temper, 2 have ocurred since the writing of my last blog. One of them happenned on the day that I finally got Henry to buy a heater for my apartment. Keep in mind that part of my contract states that the school will provide an apartment for me. They have provided things such as a microwave, TV, and so forth. They did not, however, provide any heat source and Kaili is becoming fairly cold. When a New Hampshire boy says it's cold, it's cold. So that day in the store when Henry insisted that the reason why I was cold had to do with my choice of clothing and not to do with the apartment just set me off. I shouted at him right there in public. Must've been a quite a scene for the locals of this small city to see a big angry white man shouting at the little confused looking Chinese man he came in with. A couple weeks later, I lost my temper with one of my students. I had tried nearly every trick in my book to get this student to listen to me when I was talking, to stop talking while I was teaching, to participate in class, e.g. Nothing had been working for me. But none of this excuses the volume of my voice when I shouted, "Get out!" and kicked him out of my class one night. A better teacher than myself would have come up with a more effective mode of discipline. Maybe one of the requirements of the world's 'Top' teachers is sainthood. If that's the case then I don't qualify. Later, I found out that this boy I shouted at was actually
a girl and although that probably shouldn't make a difference, to me it did. One of her friends found her crying in the hallway after class. That's the worst I've felt in a very long time. I totally lost my cool that night. By the way, the kid's English name is, Brian. I had no idea.
I've been playing with some thoughts about how I can deal with my own temper and besides: Jack Johnson Therapy, long walks, excercise, reading, writing, drawing, studying Chinese, and numerous other ideas, I have decided that what I really need is a change of mindset. I think I've been taking all the errors people make, all the rudeness I've encountered, and general frustrations too seriously. If I can treat it all with the humor that I know I have inside me then I think I can make my remaining 7 months in this country temper tantrum free. For example, I have decided not to take Henry seriously when he feels the need to keep tabs on me by consistently asking me, "Where are you going?" From now on, his question will be answer with responses such as, "A block past Maple." Or, "Your house, because that's where the party is." One day, when I'm in a particularly devious mood, I will get a piece of paper and a pen and draw a map that will show Henry exactly how, "I will take the No. 9 bus to the town square at which I will hop off at the corner of Elm and Main St. I will then go into 7-11 for a slushy and run on over to the corner, you know the area near the big brick building that overlooks 95 and Route 3?" Answers like this will be fun for me and will completely confuse Henry. And if, repeat, if, he has a single brain cell floating around somewhere in that box on top of his neck, he will eventually realize that I have no intention of answering his question seriously ever again. I hope this kind of thinking helps me calm myself down. It's the best idea I've got.
One of my worst fears came true a few weeks ago. My friend Liana was shipped off to work in her company's other school, far west of Kaili. She has no way of knowing when or if she will be able to return to Kaili. Also, my buddy Long Tso recently told me that he will be back in England by the beginning of January. Two more friends that I have to say goodbye to.
Thanksgiving was a very simple time for me, but it was fun. I spent the night playing pool with Long Tso. I don't think he realized this, but he actually gave me a kind of Thanksgiving gift by showing me that Kaili had a pool hall. I love pool. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, I'm just saying that I enjoy the game. We played 8 games and tied 4-4. Before he leaves for England, we have to schedule, "The Ultimate Pool Game of Death" to see who is the pool champion. I was shocked to learn that this pool hall didn't have beer. It just felt wrong to be holding a pool cue in my right hand while my left was holding a plastic bottle of cold tea. Long Tso actually made a special effort to ask the man at the desk if I could bring in some beer the next time I came. It's a Green Light. The "Ultimate Pool Game of Death" will be accompanied by my little buddy, Tsingtao.
I've made a few new friends. My ingenious plan to hang out with college students has been working perfectly. I met a college student named Simon who seems like a really nice guy. He pals around with a guy named, Sirvir. I swear, that's the guy's English name. He said it was the name of a god or something. One of my Kaili college student friend's has become my Chinese teacher. Her name is Maggie and she's awesome. She's a P.E. major who likes to regale me with stories about the hardships of her Ping-Pong class. I find these stories incredibly entertaining and besides being a great friend she is also helping me learn Chinese much more quickly than I was previously. She has a very quiet friend named Mei Hua (May Flower). These two are always together and they're a fun pair to hang out with. There are also two Americans I've met recently. Andy and Jon are a couple of Peace Corps volunteers who teach English at Kaili University. They're both really cool guys and I intend to hang out with them more in the future. Jon is from Philadelphia and Andy is from, I can't believe it, Brookline Mass.
Staring. People stare at me ALOT. Most of the time I just take it as a given thing, but there are certain times when it becomes more interesting than usual. Like the day when the man walking next to me wouldn't stop staring as we proceed down the sidewalk. I was not in the mood to put up with it, so I stared a wide-eyed stare right back at him. He was so shocked that he nearly knocked over the little girl in front of him. Don't worry, she was ok. There was also the day that I nearly killed a man just by walking into the gym. He was running high-speed on the treadmill, saw me walk in, and stared for a second too long. Whoosh! There he goes off the end of the treadmill. He was ok, but things like this make me think that I have a certain kind of potentially dangerous magic in my foreign eyes. I need to be careful of who I make eye contact with. Part of my new philosophy of calming myself down involves, quite literally, an eye for an eye. I used to just put up with the staring when it annoyed me, but now I stare back. It works.
Touching. I didn't really think that the Chinese would be big on physical contact, but at least some of them are. Unfortunately for me, a lot of them seem to be dudes. There was the time I went to the bathroom in the bar in Nanchang. I'm doing my thing at the urinal when a guy walks up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders. Creepy as hell. I'm preparing to turn around to see what the hell is going on, when I realize that this is the same guy who was standing at the bathroom doorway. This man is the bathroom attendant. Massaging a guy's shoulders while he takes a piss is actually part of this man's job. I decided to finish my business as calmly as possible and get it over with. After I'd washed my hands I saw this man standing by the door with a tray laden with money. Shit. I had to pay this guy for his creepy, little, unasked for massage.
When I go to get my haircut, I have the wonderful option of getting a massage first. It's great. But the last time I went weirded me out a little. Make any comment you want to make, but I did not want the dude with Flock of Seagulls hairdo giving me a massage, or any other dude for that matter. Liana was right next to me and as I sat there trying to remember the word for "Woman" Liana read my mind, or more likely, my face, and told the employees to find me a female masseuse. Just a sidenote, I see a lot of guys over here with hairstyles that would probably get them their asses kicked in any New England trucker bar.
This would be a good time to take a 5 minute break. Get a drink, stretch, and if you want to read about my recent trip to Guiyang then come on back to the blog.
I felt like taking a break from Kaili for a short while so I hopped on the bus and took the 3 hour ride to Guiyang, which is the closest thing that anyone could call a big city. One of the first things I saw in Guiyang was a WalMart Supercenter. I laughed my ass off. Temptation got the better of me and I just had to go in and see. It was a zoo! All hopes I had of searching the store for cheese were swept away by the fact that I didn't want to spend a quarter of my weekend in those Disneyesque lines. I also found a giant statue of Mao and eventually, PIZZA HUT! The waitress was either impressed or horrified by the fact that I tackled a large pizza all by my lonsome, I'm not sure which. And I don't care. All that matters is, I got cheese and a lot of it.
I found an English bookstore and loaded up on novels which made my backpack twice as heavy, but I was too happy to care. I've been itching for more books for a long time.
Still in Guiyang, I woke up on my second day to track down a movie theater in which I would, hopefully, find Harry Potter. I found a couple theaters that were playing Chinese movies but was having no luck with Harry. What I did find was a very excitable group of teenage girls who thought that I was just the best thing they'd ever seen. I took advantage of my undeserved fame to ask these girls if they knew where I could find a theater showing HP. They knew. Yeaaahhhhh! The most excitable of these girls, Lunyi or Lyn, or something like that, translated the cinema employee's Chinese for me and told me, 2:10. Great. That gave me plenty of time to explore before the movie. I said goodbye to my crazy teenybopper fans and walked off to find coffee. 10:30 AM. The sign said "Coffee and Cappuccino." I walked in and was immediately told that they were not open yet. And why would they be? Who in their right mind would ever want a cappuccino before 11:00 AM? I walked on to a place called "Time Coffee." Not "Coffee Time." "Time Coffee." All I wanted was to sit on my ass, drink coffee and read my new Stephen King book. What I got was a very excited, somewhat scary lady who spoke very fast Chinese and told me that they did not have coffee. And why would they? The place only had the word "Coffee" in the title. I ordered a Sprite and sat down to read. She sat down across from me and began speedily talking to me. I tried to focus on my book, but to no avail. She would not be ignored. 10 minutes later I found myself in the most confusing "conversation" of my entire life with her, a cook, and one of the cleaning ladies. They were all talking very fast Chinese and although I never reverted to English (it wouldn't have done me any good) I couldn't help but to repeat things like, "I don't understand." And, "I don't know." At one point, she began asking me if I had any American money with me. I said no. I said no again. Again. I said "No," in just about every way I could possibly think of, but she was not getting the picture. As a matter of fact, she was becoming louder and more insistent as she went on. It was becoming a bit scary, so I quickly paid my tab and walked out. And besides, it was 1:00. Almost time for Harry. After some quick noodles, I went to the theater as excited as excited could be. I quickly spoke to the man at the cinema door and walked away, sad faced, one minute later. It seemed that my hyper-active little fans had failed to translate one little word: Mingtian. Tomorrow. Sorry Rob. No Harry Potter for you.
Before getting on the bus back to Kaili, I managed to find a cool little cafe where I got a passable latte. One of my goals while in Guiyang was to meet some other foreigners and although they were both busy, therefore I did not want to bother them, I did see 2 other round-eyes in this cafe. It's a nice place. I will go back there: for the atmosphere, for the round-eyes, and even for the coffee. I will go back to Guiyang. It's a nice break from the small city of Kaili. Although I know I wouldn't be happy living in a city of that size, I like having the option of hanging out in Guiyang once in a while.
I have a lot of time off in February. Right now the leading vacation options are, hanging out in Chonqing with Tan Yen and Wudan or going to Chengdu to try some real Sichuan food with my friend XiaoLi. Tan Yen says that Chonqing has the most beautiful girls in China. Long Tso says, no, that place is Chengdu. I might just have to go to both.
Now it's time for me to wait another ridiculously long time before writing again. If you read this far, then you're a real trooper. Wan an.
My last blog was a decidedly negative one. My day at Shaogaoshan was a fairly bad experience and I think it showed through pretty clearly in my writing. I make no effort whatsoever to color any of my experiences in these blogs; if my experience was a bad one I will make it as clear as possible in my writing. And of course, if the experience was positive then you will be able to tell because of all the fluffy bunnies and ice cream drops that are scattered around the words on your monitor. I'll start this blog by addressing what is, quite possibly, the biggest issue for me over here. My own temper.
In these past 3 months, I can recall 4 times when I have lost my temper, 2 have ocurred since the writing of my last blog. One of them happenned on the day that I finally got Henry to buy a heater for my apartment. Keep in mind that part of my contract states that the school will provide an apartment for me. They have provided things such as a microwave, TV, and so forth. They did not, however, provide any heat source and Kaili is becoming fairly cold. When a New Hampshire boy says it's cold, it's cold. So that day in the store when Henry insisted that the reason why I was cold had to do with my choice of clothing and not to do with the apartment just set me off. I shouted at him right there in public. Must've been a quite a scene for the locals of this small city to see a big angry white man shouting at the little confused looking Chinese man he came in with. A couple weeks later, I lost my temper with one of my students. I had tried nearly every trick in my book to get this student to listen to me when I was talking, to stop talking while I was teaching, to participate in class, e.g. Nothing had been working for me. But none of this excuses the volume of my voice when I shouted, "Get out!" and kicked him out of my class one night. A better teacher than myself would have come up with a more effective mode of discipline. Maybe one of the requirements of the world's 'Top' teachers is sainthood. If that's the case then I don't qualify. Later, I found out that this boy I shouted at was actually
a girl and although that probably shouldn't make a difference, to me it did. One of her friends found her crying in the hallway after class. That's the worst I've felt in a very long time. I totally lost my cool that night. By the way, the kid's English name is, Brian. I had no idea.
I've been playing with some thoughts about how I can deal with my own temper and besides: Jack Johnson Therapy, long walks, excercise, reading, writing, drawing, studying Chinese, and numerous other ideas, I have decided that what I really need is a change of mindset. I think I've been taking all the errors people make, all the rudeness I've encountered, and general frustrations too seriously. If I can treat it all with the humor that I know I have inside me then I think I can make my remaining 7 months in this country temper tantrum free. For example, I have decided not to take Henry seriously when he feels the need to keep tabs on me by consistently asking me, "Where are you going?" From now on, his question will be answer with responses such as, "A block past Maple." Or, "Your house, because that's where the party is." One day, when I'm in a particularly devious mood, I will get a piece of paper and a pen and draw a map that will show Henry exactly how, "I will take the No. 9 bus to the town square at which I will hop off at the corner of Elm and Main St. I will then go into 7-11 for a slushy and run on over to the corner, you know the area near the big brick building that overlooks 95 and Route 3?" Answers like this will be fun for me and will completely confuse Henry. And if, repeat, if, he has a single brain cell floating around somewhere in that box on top of his neck, he will eventually realize that I have no intention of answering his question seriously ever again. I hope this kind of thinking helps me calm myself down. It's the best idea I've got.
One of my worst fears came true a few weeks ago. My friend Liana was shipped off to work in her company's other school, far west of Kaili. She has no way of knowing when or if she will be able to return to Kaili. Also, my buddy Long Tso recently told me that he will be back in England by the beginning of January. Two more friends that I have to say goodbye to.
Thanksgiving was a very simple time for me, but it was fun. I spent the night playing pool with Long Tso. I don't think he realized this, but he actually gave me a kind of Thanksgiving gift by showing me that Kaili had a pool hall. I love pool. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, I'm just saying that I enjoy the game. We played 8 games and tied 4-4. Before he leaves for England, we have to schedule, "The Ultimate Pool Game of Death" to see who is the pool champion. I was shocked to learn that this pool hall didn't have beer. It just felt wrong to be holding a pool cue in my right hand while my left was holding a plastic bottle of cold tea. Long Tso actually made a special effort to ask the man at the desk if I could bring in some beer the next time I came. It's a Green Light. The "Ultimate Pool Game of Death" will be accompanied by my little buddy, Tsingtao.
I've made a few new friends. My ingenious plan to hang out with college students has been working perfectly. I met a college student named Simon who seems like a really nice guy. He pals around with a guy named, Sirvir. I swear, that's the guy's English name. He said it was the name of a god or something. One of my Kaili college student friend's has become my Chinese teacher. Her name is Maggie and she's awesome. She's a P.E. major who likes to regale me with stories about the hardships of her Ping-Pong class. I find these stories incredibly entertaining and besides being a great friend she is also helping me learn Chinese much more quickly than I was previously. She has a very quiet friend named Mei Hua (May Flower). These two are always together and they're a fun pair to hang out with. There are also two Americans I've met recently. Andy and Jon are a couple of Peace Corps volunteers who teach English at Kaili University. They're both really cool guys and I intend to hang out with them more in the future. Jon is from Philadelphia and Andy is from, I can't believe it, Brookline Mass.
Staring. People stare at me ALOT. Most of the time I just take it as a given thing, but there are certain times when it becomes more interesting than usual. Like the day when the man walking next to me wouldn't stop staring as we proceed down the sidewalk. I was not in the mood to put up with it, so I stared a wide-eyed stare right back at him. He was so shocked that he nearly knocked over the little girl in front of him. Don't worry, she was ok. There was also the day that I nearly killed a man just by walking into the gym. He was running high-speed on the treadmill, saw me walk in, and stared for a second too long. Whoosh! There he goes off the end of the treadmill. He was ok, but things like this make me think that I have a certain kind of potentially dangerous magic in my foreign eyes. I need to be careful of who I make eye contact with. Part of my new philosophy of calming myself down involves, quite literally, an eye for an eye. I used to just put up with the staring when it annoyed me, but now I stare back. It works.
Touching. I didn't really think that the Chinese would be big on physical contact, but at least some of them are. Unfortunately for me, a lot of them seem to be dudes. There was the time I went to the bathroom in the bar in Nanchang. I'm doing my thing at the urinal when a guy walks up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders. Creepy as hell. I'm preparing to turn around to see what the hell is going on, when I realize that this is the same guy who was standing at the bathroom doorway. This man is the bathroom attendant. Massaging a guy's shoulders while he takes a piss is actually part of this man's job. I decided to finish my business as calmly as possible and get it over with. After I'd washed my hands I saw this man standing by the door with a tray laden with money. Shit. I had to pay this guy for his creepy, little, unasked for massage.
When I go to get my haircut, I have the wonderful option of getting a massage first. It's great. But the last time I went weirded me out a little. Make any comment you want to make, but I did not want the dude with Flock of Seagulls hairdo giving me a massage, or any other dude for that matter. Liana was right next to me and as I sat there trying to remember the word for "Woman" Liana read my mind, or more likely, my face, and told the employees to find me a female masseuse. Just a sidenote, I see a lot of guys over here with hairstyles that would probably get them their asses kicked in any New England trucker bar.
This would be a good time to take a 5 minute break. Get a drink, stretch, and if you want to read about my recent trip to Guiyang then come on back to the blog.
I felt like taking a break from Kaili for a short while so I hopped on the bus and took the 3 hour ride to Guiyang, which is the closest thing that anyone could call a big city. One of the first things I saw in Guiyang was a WalMart Supercenter. I laughed my ass off. Temptation got the better of me and I just had to go in and see. It was a zoo! All hopes I had of searching the store for cheese were swept away by the fact that I didn't want to spend a quarter of my weekend in those Disneyesque lines. I also found a giant statue of Mao and eventually, PIZZA HUT! The waitress was either impressed or horrified by the fact that I tackled a large pizza all by my lonsome, I'm not sure which. And I don't care. All that matters is, I got cheese and a lot of it.
I found an English bookstore and loaded up on novels which made my backpack twice as heavy, but I was too happy to care. I've been itching for more books for a long time.
Still in Guiyang, I woke up on my second day to track down a movie theater in which I would, hopefully, find Harry Potter. I found a couple theaters that were playing Chinese movies but was having no luck with Harry. What I did find was a very excitable group of teenage girls who thought that I was just the best thing they'd ever seen. I took advantage of my undeserved fame to ask these girls if they knew where I could find a theater showing HP. They knew. Yeaaahhhhh! The most excitable of these girls, Lunyi or Lyn, or something like that, translated the cinema employee's Chinese for me and told me, 2:10. Great. That gave me plenty of time to explore before the movie. I said goodbye to my crazy teenybopper fans and walked off to find coffee. 10:30 AM. The sign said "Coffee and Cappuccino." I walked in and was immediately told that they were not open yet. And why would they be? Who in their right mind would ever want a cappuccino before 11:00 AM? I walked on to a place called "Time Coffee." Not "Coffee Time." "Time Coffee." All I wanted was to sit on my ass, drink coffee and read my new Stephen King book. What I got was a very excited, somewhat scary lady who spoke very fast Chinese and told me that they did not have coffee. And why would they? The place only had the word "Coffee" in the title. I ordered a Sprite and sat down to read. She sat down across from me and began speedily talking to me. I tried to focus on my book, but to no avail. She would not be ignored. 10 minutes later I found myself in the most confusing "conversation" of my entire life with her, a cook, and one of the cleaning ladies. They were all talking very fast Chinese and although I never reverted to English (it wouldn't have done me any good) I couldn't help but to repeat things like, "I don't understand." And, "I don't know." At one point, she began asking me if I had any American money with me. I said no. I said no again. Again. I said "No," in just about every way I could possibly think of, but she was not getting the picture. As a matter of fact, she was becoming louder and more insistent as she went on. It was becoming a bit scary, so I quickly paid my tab and walked out. And besides, it was 1:00. Almost time for Harry. After some quick noodles, I went to the theater as excited as excited could be. I quickly spoke to the man at the cinema door and walked away, sad faced, one minute later. It seemed that my hyper-active little fans had failed to translate one little word: Mingtian. Tomorrow. Sorry Rob. No Harry Potter for you.
Before getting on the bus back to Kaili, I managed to find a cool little cafe where I got a passable latte. One of my goals while in Guiyang was to meet some other foreigners and although they were both busy, therefore I did not want to bother them, I did see 2 other round-eyes in this cafe. It's a nice place. I will go back there: for the atmosphere, for the round-eyes, and even for the coffee. I will go back to Guiyang. It's a nice break from the small city of Kaili. Although I know I wouldn't be happy living in a city of that size, I like having the option of hanging out in Guiyang once in a while.
I have a lot of time off in February. Right now the leading vacation options are, hanging out in Chonqing with Tan Yen and Wudan or going to Chengdu to try some real Sichuan food with my friend XiaoLi. Tan Yen says that Chonqing has the most beautiful girls in China. Long Tso says, no, that place is Chengdu. I might just have to go to both.
Now it's time for me to wait another ridiculously long time before writing again. If you read this far, then you're a real trooper. Wan an.
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